and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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