According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
