Don't make out with my wife yet
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
