now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
