I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
