I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
