Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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