Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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