But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
