so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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