so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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