he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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