therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
