I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
