she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
