cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
