alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
