oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
