Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
