I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
