My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
