i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
