Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
