Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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