i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk is not a location!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
