we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
