So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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