My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
