am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
