Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
