Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
