I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
