I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
