If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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