I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
