she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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