All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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