remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
