The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
