I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
