It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
