He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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