I got chris browned last night
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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