Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
