just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
