I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
