My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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