i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
