Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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