Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
