let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I met the friendliest cop last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
