there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
