Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
